Aliveness

Aliveness is full. 

It feels like you don't need anything else. 

It's so full, there's no room for supplements.

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How Enthused Are You?

“I get more pleasure out of failing in a project that I’m enthused over than in succeeding in a project that I know I can do well.”
– Woody Allen

The failure and success part is nebulous. Every little discovery either within, or without, is a success story. But the word I’d like to focus on is “enthused.” In Latin, enthused means in God. It’s possible it’s a Greek translation. Either way, it means that enthusiasm comes from the higher source. What we’re enthused about doesn’t always match the societal, cookie-cutter path our parents would like us to follow. Isn’t it interesting how much more appealing the road less traveled is? It must be the forbidden-fruit syndrome. Or is it?

Maybe it's a calling. A calling usually comes with a set of challenges. As with beginner’s luck, the first time we feel enthused over something, events go our way for a little while. Everyone is supportive, doors are open, and opportunities are all there when we’re least ready for them. We can also refer to this portion of the “enthused program” as the honeymoon period. 

There’s always a honeymoon period. 

It is after this period is over when enthusiasm really starts to play a role. I find that whatever has excited me about a project in the beginning, continues to excite me throughout. I can go through periods of forgetting and breaking up with a project, but sooner or later I always come back to the ones that have enthused me.

Having said that, we can get excited about projects we do well, simply because they come easy to us. It’s that same enthusiasm at work. That’s why the part to notice is the enthused part, in whatever direction it may be flowing.

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The Artist is loyal to No One

A fellow writer and a friend has recently told me that I need to stay loyal to one book until it is done and published. My creative process does not like nor follow that rule. Inspiration does not come linearly nor does the execution, at least for me. I finished a draft of a book that I've worked diligently on for two years and now I'm giving it a rest while I revamp an older novel I started several years ago. My friend thinks this is active procrastination. But I don't see it that way at all. In my experience:

There is only one river, but the streams to it are infinite. 

Other novels want their moment in the sun. Blogs want to be included. Songs want to be written and sung too. A brushstroke here, a word there, and the mural gets completed. It just so happens that my mural looks like a collage rather than a picture.

Is it wrong? Am I swimming in too many directions at once? Am I swimming in the wrong direction?

But if all streams join with the ONE body of water, then what difference does it make which stream and how many I take? Is it out of principle we try to be linear or perhaps out of loyalty? The loyalty to whom?

The artist is loyal to no one. 

The artist can only be loyal to the moment. THIS moment. Whatever IT wants.

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At the Waves

I’m at the waves this morning. 

They’re crashing me down. 

I’m just a wall on which they crash against. So solid am I. 

Every fiber of my being wants to loosen up, but my mind makes me fight a battle of not my doing. 

I’m gazing at the deep ocean behind me and I long to be there—where the waves have no ground to stand on. 

My body forces a breath out of me. 

I exhale. I stretch my low back. I twist in both directions. 

The next breath is easier to take. 

Life wants me to perform. To go out there and show myself. 

But I want in. I don’t trust without, I trust within. 

I want to know where the breath is coming from. 

Cuz it’s sure ain’t from this body. The body comes from the breath. 

Where do you come from breath? 

I sit and wait. 

But all I get is Silence.

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