Day 11

Analogy on awakening as I see it:

Awakening is like learning how to walk. We get all excited about the possibility so we get up too soon and immediately fall down. We're not discouraged though. We try again and again until we finally get on our feet. Then, we begin to stumble around looking for something to hold on to, but there's nothing there, so we fall down again. In the attempt to stop falling down, we get stuck in this precarious, wobbly standing position because we don't want to go back to crawling, but neither are we walking yet. We're not sure which foot is the right one to step with, so we don't take any steps at all, all the while, totally ignorant of the fact that there is no wrong step because whichever foot we step with will inevitably be balanced with its opposite. But until we see the truth of it with our own eyes, we don't trust it because it's a totally new experience for us. One of two things happen, we either take the leap of faith and start walking or fall back down and try again.

I'm in the process of all the above. At times, I can walk perfectly well and at others, I feel like I'm still crawling. Yet, I keep taking the leap of faith. Peter Brown, a fully integrated spiritual teacher, reminds us that we're already always walking and the only reason it feels like we're not is because we think that there is a difference between walking and crawling when in fact, it's one and the same.

The Practice

Morning meditation at ZCLA - 1 hour
Qigong standing meditation - 15 minutes
Attentive group listening and sharing at ZCLA - 1 hour


Reflection

I had a fight with my zofu cushion at mediation today. I sat in a Burmese position like I did yesterday, but today my foot completely fell asleep and there was too much tightness in my hip. I had to switch legs mid-way, which I don't prefer doing since it breaks the flow of presence, but doesn't everything, I reminded myself. A passing ice cream truck could break presence if I let it. I accepted the experience for what it was. I switched positions for the 3rd time to my more comfortable kneeling position and breathed.

Adjusting my sitting might take some time, but breathing does not take any time at all.