Looking for salvation or meaning in personal and interpersonal love is to be at a buffet and not finding anything to eat. Sitting across from my love, I'm feeling giddy and grateful knowing full well that he cannot dissolve the unease in my chest. He can't. No one can. I'm sitting here feeling it. It feels like a boulder. The longer I stay with the sensation the more fluid the rock becomes. It's a piece of clay now. The rain is coming down hard. They stopped playing Christmas songs at Starbucks. My mind is trying to find a reason for my feeling this way. It wants to attach to a solution so it could feel better, like it solved something. My body temperature fluctuates between staying warm and getting cold. I'm not wearing proper rain boots, for the reason that I don't have any. The clay turned hard again. I can't seem to sit still. I'm jumping from one activity to another. Reading, journaling, blogging, story editing, watching the rain, and still the restlessness is playing at my soul. A day or two until this month's cycle. Eckhart Tolle advices to stay alert and watch the mind. I'm watching. It's going bipolar on me.
What is that looking through my eyes?
The Practice
Sunday - 20 minute meditation
Reflection
Trusting the practice.
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