Day 129

Love and the Holidays

I've been busy
Too busy to write these posts
Too busy to see my family
Too busy to worry about the future
But not too busy to love now.

I've been inspired
Inspired to see the trees as they really are
Inspired to walk the muddy earth in the Arroyo
Inspired to write letters to my love.

I've been eating
Eating to enjoy the flavors
Eating to satisfy the nostalgia of the holidays
Eating without the Christmas tree
Eating without the family
Eating with my love.

I've been sleeping
Sleeping for all the days I woke up early to go to work
Sleeping to rest
Sleeping to live
Sleeping to be next to my lover.

Sweet dreams, my love!

The Practice

Daily Meditation - 20 to 30 minutes of sitting and/or walking

Reflection

Amidst restlessness and doubt, there's a background awareness that I am. I'm feeling my body from the inside out. When I lie in bed, right before I doze off, there's a deep recognition of being, a kind of Ok-ness with being. When I get moments of a strong emotion like being upset or hurt or misunderstood, the sensations happen on the surface level whilst there's a peace that underlies the extremes. There's a satisfaction with showing emotion and interacting emotionally knowing that it cannot touch the reality within. And I'm not talking about suppressing anything here. In fact, I have lost the ability to suppress this past summer. I feel it all. And by feeling it all, I've been more alive than ever. There's a depth to sensations that I haven't known before. I'm still afraid of receiving more than I can handle. But the fear is much more subdued now. More often than not, I say, "Bring it on!"