Day 67

I'm sitting in my room and listening to the sound of life. It's a whooshing sound. It's a buzzing and the vibrating aliveness. It's all the classic novels written simultaneously.

The Practice

Sunday   9:30 to 12:30 PM Chan meditation and talk
               2:30 to 4:15 PM Satsang with John Sherman

Monday  8:15 to 8:45 AM Zazen meditation

Reflection

John asked, "What does it feel like being you?"
The moment he asked that question, I was "myself." And not me, Marina, with a name and history, but rather the space where the entity Marina lives. My heart started beating fast as if I was losing myself and of course, I was.
I asked him, "How do I stop holding on?"
He answered, "Don't worry about holding on or letting go. Just look at yourself. Just see."
A woman sitting to my left asked if her worry would go away with seeing herself. John answered, "The worry about the worry would go away." I knew instantly what he meant; although I couldn't clarify it further. "There's nothing wrong with worry. There's nothing wrong with feeling the weight of responsibility. It's the worry about the worry. It's the story that goes with feeling responsible that causes suffering." It was yet another confirmation that experience is a matter of sensation. Later in the evening, I was listening to one of my favorite songs saying the same thing. The line goes, "Pain... I guess it's a matter of sensation, but somehow, you have a way of avoiding it all"(Revenge by Danger Mouse & Sparklehorse).