Three days into teaching and I'm rediscovering that whatever doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. It's funny how the things I spent such a long time resisting like attention-sapping 9th graders are nothing but energy waves that I don't have to attach any meaning to. They are not the problem. If I'm resisting his smart mouth and say to myself, "This shouldn't be happening. He should be able to sit there quietly so that I can have an easy time," then what is it in me that wants things to be my way so that I can be happy? And would that even make me happy? I had plenty of classes with no one disturbing my peace and yet I found myself being disturbed for no reason at all.
Any resistance only reaffirms that peace and happiness really is a state of mind or rather a state of no mind.
The Practice
5:45 AM meditation - 10 minutes
Evening meditation - 30 minutes
Reflection
Sitting in the evenings after a long day challenges me to stay focused. The point of reference sort of becomes fuzzy and I have to remind myself to count breaths to bring me back to the present. But once I do, a new kind of alertness shines through and then a smile forms inside of me, not even on my lips, at some point during the sit.
The gaps between thought and no-thought have been becoming longer and deeper. I find myself being pulled into that timeless state more and more. It has also become easier to spot the portals. By portals, I mean catching the bird's song outside my window or zoning in on the stillness within and staying with it.
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