Everything has a momentum. When I had little to do, then even the smallest of tasks seemed like a lot. When I started teaching and days became quicker and busier, then I would come home feeling like there was more that I could do.
So, if everything has a momentum, then so does the awakening process. If I place more of my attention on unwanted thoughts, then I get more of unwanted thoughts. If I place more of my attention on sense perceptions, my breath, and stillness, then it starts to expand and deepen.
Interestingly enough, I don't know who is doing it? Am I choosing to become more aware or is the awareness doing it all on its own? Ultimately, the awareness and me are one. The only reason it feels like duality is because the mind wants to claim credit.
The Practice
5:50 AM meditation - 10 minutes
Walk - 30 minutes
Evening meditation - 30 minutes
Reflection
I felt really tired around five o'clock and could've fallen asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. So, I laid down to see. Instead of falling asleep, I stared at the spot on the wall in front of me. Everything moved out of focus, even the boundaries of my own body. After ten or so minutes, I got up and began working on my story. The mind tried to pull me in by asking "why are you working on your story all of a sudden?" I ignored it and just went along with the momentum.
I realized that without all that analysis paralysis, whatever wants to be created or expressed through us naturally drives us to move.
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