When I was driving home from work yesterday, I looked over at the tall apartment buildings off of the 101 freeway near downtown and I pictured myself sitting in one of the studio apartments looking out of the window and listening to the cars passing by. The energy inside of me shifted and it was like I've already lived in that apartment. It was not the same as dejavu. It was more like I knew that I did.
I had the back window open in my car. The combination of the smell of the air and my internal state, as well as Eluvium playing in the background, which I find quiets the mind, put me in this "I'm exactly where I want to be"state. It was as if I was watching myself in a movie and I wouldn't have the movie be any other way. And it wasn't just one scene of the movie, it was the entire movie happening all at once. But because it was happening all at once, everything was standing still. Yet, I knew there was movement in the stillness or stillness in the movement. I'm not sure.
The Practice
5:50 AM meditation - 15 minutes
Cardio - 30 minutes
Reflection
Repetitive and negative thoughts are becoming louder and clearer. It's easier to differentiate the negative thoughts from the positive. They are so evident and they repeat themselves as often as I fixate on them. But it's different now. I don't believe most of them. The reason I say most is because there are some that I might not be aware of yet. But I can hear these thoughts like a broken record. They don't stay long though. And some no longer stick. Even if I want to fixate a little longer, they just roll off the table like marbles and I can hear the faint sound of them rolling away farther and farther.
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